A Pharisee outside ‘the Shirley’, (Temple).
Bit of a toss up
It was unexpected,
Bit of a shock really,
A Praetorian Guard
Being kicked in the Praetorian Guard can be extremely panful!
But when Ces took the call we looked at each other and said ‘WTF’! For the uninitiated WTF stand for ‘Whither Thou Findeth’. It’s a biblical phrase taken from Eclesiatices, when the beggars and the money launderers were denied entry to the temple by the Pharisee. The money launderer tried the back door and was kicked in his Praetorian guard, whilst the beggar, was made to discern another entry point till the kind Centurion picked him up with a shaft of his pilum and tossed him back into the street. The beggar exasperated, enquired, ‘why me’? And the Centurion replied boastfully; ‘Cos beggars cant be choosers mate’!
A Centurion
The Centurion had a point, it’s funny how the Bible informs us on human behaviour, and we use it often as a guide to being correct and doing the right thing. We decided to ignore the bits about stoning sheila’s, and killing first-borns, and wasting whole cities cos they were rude. I mean if we did that the only effing thing left in Sydney would be the the Crown Casino complex at Barangaroo.. cos after the board enquiry, we all know its ‘CLEAN’!
Excuse me, where were we? That’s it , Ces and I got the call.
A Money Launderer in ‘the Shirley’,(Temple)
It was Angus. “G’day mate’! Ces had it on speaker phone, “how they hangin”? ‘Tales’ gave us a good laugh, we were talking about his share portfolio and synthetic collateral futures, a bit of an in-joke we learnt last time we were checking the options for tax minimisation in the Caymans.
“Well boys, as a matter of fact this is fuckin serious, we need someone to head up ASIC, and by the looks of things if youse blokes could give it a double-header? Howsabout heading up Aus Post as well? Are you up for it’?
Sydney after it was destroyed by Gods judgement. Only the Crown towers at Barangaroo survived.
“Are you up for it’? was code, for ‘Are you MAN enough”? So taking a quick glance at our Hanna Gadsby wall poster the answer was obvious, “ NO WORRIES TALES’!
“Whaddawe have to do’?
“Jeez I knew I could rely on youse”. Tales knew he had the men for the job.
It made us feel special that a Minister of the Crown, who was also Energy Minister had anointed us. Not only were we mates, but mates whom he could trust. Trust is in short supply these days with so many dobbers and squealin Sheila’s. Ces, cos of his synthetic futures had a handle on ASIC. “YEP Tales, I just cop the ones that aren’t from the big end of town’!
“That’s right Ces, leave the banks, the casinos, horse racing, philanthropic trusts, private prisons, aged care, Transurban, Exxon, Google alone, all ya have to do is find a small business importer and scapegoat em’!
‘What if they’re clean’? Ces enquired
‘Just find something to clobber em, Got me’?
Australian money laundries aint as sophisticated as overseas ones.
“Yeah mate’? Ces could feel the energy.
‘Yep, if they’re importing from China or links to the Labor Party. Tip off our mates in Sky’! Tales paused, “ GOT ME’?
“Right’, Ces said.
“And you Quent, just sit on the Aus Post board and do what others have done before you’?
Quent stammered a reply, ‘What”? Does that mean I just nominate a salary and help myself to perks and feather-bed cronies’?
‘Yep, all of that, and whilst you’re at it see if you can get a letter to arrive less than a week after it was posted from the other side o the street’.
‘No worries Tales, anything else’? (We flexed in anticipation of Tales’s final word)
‘Yep, you know what Im gonna say sounds insulting, but its the one thing you blokes have gotta learn in life’.,
‘What’s that’? (Ces and I were galvanised with anticipation)
Need to hide 80 mil? Money lending, or money changing? Get the best advice from our man in the Caymans. Plain brown paper or Aldi bags freely accepted. Bundles of notes over 10 kg swiftly converted to Bitcoin, Swiss Francs or U.S dollars.
‘Fer Chrissakes, whatever you do to improve yourself in public office don’t get CAUGHT’!