“Tudge-ea’ (trans) ‘To behave in public as an upright and god- fearing citizen, to uphold ” family values’ whilst quietly rooting your secretary and installing Rob-Debt to victimise and kill the poor’.
Dear reader , we return to our saga, Ces and Quent determined to get to the bottom of whoever it was who defiled our tea-lady Ms Culthorpe when she took on an intern-ship in our Federal Parliament. Like the absence of imagination in our public policy there’s an all pervading sense of hopelessness as our heroes, Ces and Quent, continue in their fruitless quest to find compassion within the soul of their captor Sophe Mirabella! Realising how tough a nut it is to be a Fair Work Commissioner they are resigned to be slotted by the anointed one. Awaiting their fate they stand stoically as Sophie makes a call on the ancient PMG phone, both of them know whichever way the coin falls, (into the slot), Fate, is not in their hands!
Ces, bruised and battered, was not for stopping. With a sense of urgency in keeping with those who know they have only seconds to live he stood undaunted. And by cut or thrust of Sophie’s legalistic logic sought common ground. But the ground, was but quicksand under his feet. An irony amidst the obscenely dry wastes of Central Australia. Has the sand run through? What of the hourglass? Is our glass half full or empty? Read on, and try not to be surprised in this ‘Tudge-ean’ episode of politics and the dirty art of maintaining message when the airwaves are full to the brim with the emptiness of digital media.
Ces continued his desperate line of questioning;
‘Well then, what are we doing here? If you already have this slotted for a quick sale, why all the subterfuge about national interest?’ Ces paused for emphasis, ‘seeking preferment as a member of the Fair Work Commission’? Ces’s interlocutory probing was clearly having no effect. He paused and tried a counter approach;
In this episode of ‘The Hand- maids tale” Tudgey suggests his secretary dresses in red as a ” Fallen Woman” so that he can have compassion for her when he stones her.
‘Oh and bye the way, if this helps at all in your megalomanic deliberations have you paused to consider it’s only twenty days till Christmas’?
‘Bah! Humbug’! And for effect she flicked the ash of her Sobrani in Ces’s face, no mean achievement as he was standing back so as to avoid another bruising encounter with her jack-boots
Tony to Tudgey; ” Jeez Tudgey can I have a crack after you’ve finished with her’?
Sophie snapped back like a whip-crack, and her tongue was almost as sharp as the kick in the shins Ces suffered the last time he tried to reason with her. “That’s just window dressing, to keep the journos, troublemakers and shit stirrers off track. People who don’t share my vision for Australia. People who are still wallowing in the Whitlam era of pinkish optimism. People who still believe in a fair go and all that BULLSHIT! Baby boomer fossilised detritus, like YOURSELVES !!People who just don’t get it that the world has changed! People who are weak with sentimentality and compassion for those lower on the social advantage ladder. People who are on the lowest rungs on the ladder of opportunity cos they’re lazy, don’t know hard work and deserve to DIE!
They’re a waste of Time, Space and Energy, and’ …….she tuned to us with that evil grin, ‘people like you’!!
Tudgey’s missus and Tudgey share an ‘open marriage”….shown here with little Tudgey Jnr
At that moment from the furthest reach of the tunnel we saw the faint glimmer of a light, and as it grew we could hear the sound of wheels. A sound of steel upon steel. Like a tram, that distant and distinctive screeching sound you get when it negotiates a corner. The metallic dissonance of steel wheels and and the merest hint of of electric motors. “A tram”, A tram is coming” ! Ces exclaimed, look see that light? It’s drawing closer, cant tell if it’s a few hundred yards or a mile off in this gloom, but look it’s getting closer. Ces was spellbound by the shimmering incandescence, and waxed poetically in spite of the fore circumstances, it’s as if, as if it’s a HALO!
Scomo to Tudgey; ” Jeez Tudgey, if only you’d worn the Aussie Flag Face-mask. Sheilas cant touch Ya, and ya can’t hear em squealin either”
The halo of an approaching tram, or for those familiar with underground rail a light rail, perhaps even an articulated trolley bus? A halo renders precise identification impossible, (like the Coalitions climate policy). We can only timidly conjecture , (as Labor’s climate policy promises) as to the distinct type of vehicle. But vehicle or not, a shimmering disc of light, some may say “ ‘Halo’ is better than nothing and perhaps these three wise men, Ces, benny- Boy and Quent aren’t’ as buggered as they think. For whatever is coming down the line, as Xmas approaches it could also be Christ’s second coming? A remote possibility, but in the face of things like finding a sexual predator in the corridors of Parliament, not beyond the bounds of hope. Find out in our next Tudge- ean episode, “ I created Robo-debt and it created the monster in me’! Or, “ Three wise men, of the modern-era expose incest, Frankenstein and murder!’.