Save the Olympics

cab 1

Famous Cabybara swimming family, The Burra’s” in training for Rio

Dear reader, do you know who or what the latest Olympic mascot is? I bet you don’t. You’re probably thinking, ‘Hmm, it could be something that’s indigenous to South America, can only be found in Rio, a Cabybara? A Piranha? or a Llama perhaps’?

cab 2

Alternative Rio mascot?

To be perfectly honest, neither do we, and the sad fact is that we don’t care. Not that we mind the fictional character that symbolises all that’s wonderful and exciting and captivating about the Olympic movement. In ancient Greece it was held in honour of the gods. Now it’s just held to one, Standard and Poor’s. But we do know the mascot will be something that’s been tested by focus groups, and like Disney’s latest incarnation of the first latino themed heroine, it’ll be a sort of hybridized, corrected, nuanced “ nothing”. More of a flavour than a distinctive type.

cab 4

Another (soon to be former) Olympic village.

If there’s flavour to be had in these Olympics, the news is devastating. Reports are now tricking in about the state of unreadiness of the Rio Olympic village. The toilets, when flushed simultaneously, create water walls, and the electrical wiring is all over the place. Truly Shocking! Consequently all the athletes have to stay in hotels, and there’s an army of cleaners making things right. Perhaps an army of plumbers and electricians would be more apt. Still the atmosphere and excitement is palpable, and buildings that actually weep and shock sound like a perfect encapsulation of the Olympic movement.

cab 3

Vladimir, burning up the record book at Sochi

In Sochi, where the winter Olympics were held, the Russians, routinely doped their way to the top. The whistleblower has been granted some sort of immunity by the IOC and the Russian team have narrowly avoided disqualification. The IOC is committed to routing out corruption. They have a reputation to uphold. You can bet your bottom dollar that dollars have a lot to do with it. And of the consequences? If Russia was banned that would be the end of the competition. Other countries would have to fill the breach (so to speak) and dope their way to the top.

cab 5

Back to basics.

It’s a medal race. The medal tally is the only thing that counts. Australia didn’t win gold at Sochi. If we’d won some, we might see more funding for figure, skating, and bob sledding, and be respected more as an international second tier, non world leader type country. Such significance is placed in medal tallies. It cements a nations position. But like a credit rating from Moody’s or Standard and Poor’s . That’s why poor countries do badly in the Olympics, they not only have poor credit rating, but a rotten medal count. How many did Liberia win? You know the answer, just the same as East Timor, Nothing!. That’s why we had to stitch up their gas and oil reserves. You can’t trust a medal-less nation to look after itself. Similarly, you can’t expect much from Rio. They may be terribly good at soccer, but in sport that require real skill, like Rugby, Cricket, and Yachting they just lack the depth. It’s not in their national character. Olympics are the litmus paper of national character. There’s no simple solution. The Olympics aint a level playing field.

But there is an answer. Bring back the true spirit of the ancient Olympics, make the tally fairer. Allow a global audience to marvel at events cleansed of corporate sponsorship. All athletes will compete nude. Replace medals with laurel wreaths, (any wreath will do) and dispense with luxury accommodation, by offering airy tents, simple food, and the bounty of amputation or ritual sacrifice for those who cheat. Then we’d have an event worth celebrating, and Rio would go down in history as the turning point of an idea that had been corrupted by big money, bad mascots and nationalistic hubris. Instead, we’d celebrate humanity. Get rid of corruption and the global tragedy of “former Olympic village-dom”. Is that too much to ask? And concentrate on stuff that’s really important. Incidentally, what is the mascot for Rio?cab 6