Dear reader, at last we have progress on housing affordability.
The Prime Minister, hot on the heels of his fantastic Indian free trade talks suggested a new era in economic policy. One in which Australia can revel in a newer and more level, level playing field. An era in which all innovation, thinking and anything to do with manufacturing will be sold off to overseas interests. He beamed: ‘After the gas sell off, there’s just so much more to sell off to overseas companies for free. And it’ll prove that when you invest in Australia your profits are guaranteed. That’s called Sovereign Trust’.
The following is an extract from his speech.
Inaugural Minister for Lazy Ideas. Matt Canavan. ” After manufacturing there’s always Coal and Housing’.
“Men and women of Australia, it gives me great pleasure to announce the formation of a new Super-Ministry. I am very proud to say that this represents absolute proof that the ‘Ideas Boom’ and the ‘Innovation Revolution’ are bearing fruit. And with fruit as exotic as this, full credit must go to my Minister for Northern Development Mr Matt Canavan for inspiring leadership and truly visionary thinking.
We present to you, The Ministry for Lazy Ideas.
The Ministry is a first for this country. After detailed discussion with the Property Council, the Minerals and Energy Council and our good friends at Newscorp we now have a Ministry that is fully up to the mark. And it’s full marks, and a rebuttal to our former Liberal leader Dr Hewson. He may have got 10 outta ten for economic policy but as a politician? (roars of laughter).
The Prime Minister is truly innovative.
Like my predecessor Bob Hawke, I understand the need for big picture politics. Bob, bought us economic rationalism and Greening Australia. With Greening Australia he single handedly created a new Super-Ministry and employed tens of thousands of bureaucrats, to achieve……an impressive library of white papers, green papers and after all was said and done a discussion paper and a professorial fellowship to ex Amcor members. And he also stated most memorably that by 1990; “no child would live in poverty”. And the public, swallowed it whole.
Matt Canavan will be the inaugural head of this new Ministry. And I’ve gotta tell you for the public at large it’s a vote winner. We held focus group sessions with members of the Property Council and the IPA and they’ve given us the green light. Kiddies will be able to squander their superannuation and if they haven’t got superannuation, they can sell their vital organs. There’s an incentive for parents who may actually own a house to go into ‘special care’ arrangements, and with the Minerals and Energy Council’s growing access to untapped resources we’ll be opening up the National parks for retail, mining and residential development. The burgeoning housing crisis will be unstoppable. And why? Because it’s good for the shareholders and some very nice people who need a leg up in the investment market. Some of them own only two or three investment properties (roar of “ Shame” from shocked audience) and there’s unrealised potential. To accomodate for the new housing boom, we’ll triple the current intake of migrants, and fast track university enrolments across the board to achieve a faster processing of visas and residency permits. The Ministry itself will require a HUGE investment in recruitment and the development of policy white, green, yellow, crimson and pink papers, just to prove our LGBTI credentials.
So, it’s a huge tick for further investment into this vital sector. “Ideas Boom”?, yes indeed. , will be augmented by the Ministry of Silly Ideas and Ministry of Short-Termism, to ensure that you the taxpayer, get the government you truly deserve. To demonstrate once and for all, that Australia is well and truly ‘Open for Business’