457 Visa restrictions will impact professional skills category for Conga- Line dancers

Dear reader at last some positive news on the 457 front. There are many people in desperate impoverished circumstances who seek to improve themselves in our land of opportunity and god-given fortune. Sadly the prerequisites that allowed synchronised conga-dancers, goat herders, yak sexers and straw measurers have been scrapped. These occupations, along with Coat-hanger testers, milk tasters and bum lickers, (for specialised old age training facilities) are no longer required. The federal government has just had enough, and according to unsubstantiated sources the system was being rorted by unscrupulous operators. We cannot verify these claims, but were told by Achmed that he was being paid handsomely at the local Seven Eleven, and enjoyed very much the comforts of a shipping container. Similarly we told Ishmael about the changes at the local Liberty Service Station and he smiled, telling us that an 18 hour day was very good for the constitution, and living in a chicken coop was luxury denied to most ordinary australians.

So the vexed question is, who will be able to perform these skilled niche occupations? And is Australia up to the task in training locals for these specialised and highly technical tasks?

We’re happy to say the answer is here.

Michaelia Cash. Demonstrates impact of Conga Line restrictions on the local economy

The Federal government has just announced a new two tiered training and vocational programme to provide local training for these niche jobs, jobs that ordinary australians just can’t do.

The Minister for negative gearing and housing speculation Michealia Cash unveiled the Federal governments Super Screw-U-scheme.

Screw_U-Training Scheme. Growing the Economy. Offer of free laptop and lifetime of debt.

‘For years we’ve been worrying about jobs and growth, and watched as the poor became poorer and the rich substantially richer. The only winners seemed to be those with property. And in all fairness the programme has worked. We need specialised skills in growing our two tiered economy of housing and population growth. The old jobs of actually making things and doing things are of no use. That’s why we’re proud to have co opted the greatest inter generational theft by making loopholes and concessions to ensure that only wealthy overseas investors and baby boomers get more of the cake.

I assure investors, we will still have niche visas skilfully crafted by our friends in the Property Council to encourage very very useful and wealthy members of the Chinese communist party to grow the economy through speculative housing investment. And with our gold card scheme, we’ll encourage them to displace as many young people from the housing market as possible. Really poor underpaid young people will reap a net benefit from the scew-U-training scheme. Whatever they earn will be ploughed back into consolidating their debt, and unlike us pollies, who own hundreds of investment properties, these young-uns will be trained to accept burgeoning life-time debt and no chance of ever securing a roof over their head.

Positive Signs of Integrated Gold Card Visa scheme. Policy to assist growth and members of Communist Party obtain affordable housing for their children.

But the bonus is… they’ll have a job for LIFE!

It’s fair, and endorsed by the IPA. By keeping them poor it gives them an incentive to find a niche on the ladder of opportunity. An opportunity to endure ongoing training in specialised private vocational colleges across the country. To accumulate more debt. And as a bonus they’ll get a free laptop and a nice certificate.

And in doing so, we’ll draw a line across the curse of underemployment, a conga line if you like.