Fairness

fair 1

Mr Fahour and Jeannie Pratt. Proof that there are rewards and the benefit of facial reconstruction to those who work HARD!

Dear reader, we’ve had to do some pretty intense research these past couple of hours and we can tell you it’s not for the faint hearted. In light of the recent Fair Work Commissions’ ruling that workers should have their penalty rates docked we decided to see just how much a Fair Work Commissioner is paid. Now this is a compelling research project, please try it. We typed in; “ How much is a Fair Work Commissioner paid’? and all we received, (courtesy of Google) was reams and reams of information on how important the Fair Work Commission is in maintaining balance and fairness in the wages of ordinary Australians. ‘Hear !Hear!’ we hear you say. ‘Good on the Fair Work Commission’!! But after repeated attempts, (please try it) we still couldn’t get any idea on how much these singularly important and very very learned individuals take home. That left us puzzled, or to be more apt put us on a real ‘Ahmed Fahour’ type situation. And we are hopeful that Senator Patterson, protege of the IPA, may be able to enlighten us on this subject.

fair 3

This is what a hard working Fair Work Commissioner looks like.

Now lets be fair, being a Fair Work Commissioner would be pretty hard work. You have to front to a Commission every now and then, which is probably like a Court. You’d have to get a taxi or a chauffeur driven car to get there, became your wisdom wouldn’t want to be tainted by the infection of conversing with ordinary people in the real world. And you’d have to earnestly (before lunch at your favourite restaurant) read actual submissions from the odd poor person as to why they are strangled by stifled wage growth and the cost of living. And then, you’d have to (after lunch) meet for an hour or so, (before determining which weekender you retreated to), what the devil these people were complaining about in the first place.

fair 2

This is what a hard working Health Services Union Secretary looks like.

It’s not fair being a Fair Work Commissioner. Being a Fair Work Commissioner could compromise your standing in the community. If you put a foot wrong so to speak with your friends in the judiciary, the Chamber of Commerce, or even the party, or if you did something really radical as what used to happen in the Arbitration Commission, you could be in BIG TROUBLE. That’s the lot of those who must determine the lot of hard working men and women. Sorry we didn’t make that clear. ‘By working men and women’ we mean non-professionals. People who get paid a pittance for doing dull, repetitive, soulless, dehumanising work on a mind numbingly dull basis. You know, the person who serves our drinks at the club, or the individual who cleans the office toilets, and the other person, (can’t be bothered remembering their name) who picks up the rubbish. We get angry when they don’t empty the recycling bin, as we’re trying to do our bit to be sustainable.  But then again, lowly paid flunkeys are not that interested in saving the planet or the environment. I think that’s because they’re uneducated, or at the very least didn’t go to decent schools.

So obsessed had we become with the wage of a Fair Work Commissioner, it suddenly, (like a thunderbolt you could say) or a dropped scalpel, occurred to us that Kathy Jackson’s boyfriend, (do you remember her?) was a Fair Work Commissioner. You may remember the scandal? Kathy was also busy representing the lowest paid on the ladder of opportunity, and she socked away millions on travel, buying stuff and being entitled. And her boyfriend, Michael Lawler was a Fair Work Commissioner.

This ia what a hard working Health  Services Union Secretary and a hard working Fair Work Commissoner look like when they’re working hard together.

After a quick fact check we discovered he got paid four hundred and thirty three thousand (433,000.00) a year. That’s tough. And then, he went on sick leave and even missed the lunches, the end of year party and the overseas research opportunities, but got paid just the same. So it’s only fair that the lowliest paid should lose some of their entitlements on a Sunday. It’s not fair on the rest of us who’ve reaped the benefits of a freer economy and the prospect of stifled wage growth, insecurity and the prospect of never buying a house. And it’s comforting to know that the Fair Work Commissioners job, onerous, vexed and un-sung will continue to ensure that all of us who are employees, (insert low-wage earning scum) know (are told) just how much we’re entitled to.

It’s only fair.