Huge crowds gather for Donald’s inauguration

Dear reader, these are complex and exciting times. The general consensus is that this is as bad as it can get. The sense of deep doom is not mitigated in any shape, manner or form by the brilliance of Malcolm Turnbull master of innovation, the ideas boom and thought bubbles. The nadir is nigh, and try as we might, the news from the U.S is worse than you could ever believe. In the words of the grand master, Rupert himself, ‘with FAKE NEWS it’s only gonna get a lot worser’.

‘Best Prime Minister EVER’, Sky News

But do not despair, we implore you not to despair because a new presidency takes a while to settle in. Give Donald a go! And please understand that the cogs of government move very slowly indeed. You may have felt that Trump was an ignorant bellicose pompous egomaniacal bastard with a messianic tendency to believe his own rot, but this is entirely wrong. The press and elites would have you believe this. And though he blames the CIA, the FBI and just about everyone else in big bad government, they’re doing their darnedest to keep a lid on Donald’s off-hand remarks and restore a semblance of decency. A decency that us clean living folks can appreciate. Are you confused? Don’t be.

Take his inaugural speech for instance. What we heard, and via carefully edited texts were leaked to us by the untrustworthy other media, (all media not currently owned by Rupert) is that Donald said he’d make America great. He said that if people didn’t see his vision they were all a bunch of sissies. And those Mexicans lucky enough to take a peek will soon be doing it beyond a big bold fence. He also had a bold initiative to make workers happy and via the ‘trickle down effect’ give workers now unemployed and disposed of as the detritus, rust buckets and rustbelts hope. Donald speaks of a new era. And you’d better believe it…

Alleged photgraph of empty mall during that other Presidents inauguration.

And guess what, some people got upset about that! Worse still, some doubted that more people than ever before turned up to see Donald crowned. Some kill-joys used photos to try and prove that more people turned up to see Obama. But they’re all wrong. Donald, they call him ‘The Don’ always plays a straight bat and though he never had an average of 99,.9 there is one thing he does know and all you Springsteens’, Madonna’s and Clinton’s have got it wrong. Donald is a straight talker, and the CIA and FBI god bless em, saved Don a heap of trouble by coding his speech. That’s right, a double presented at the inauguration, and Donald had him lip sync every word. And more than that, the original Donald speech was edited and re-voiced by a CIA operative…Not since Hillary ‘mis- spoke’ have we seen such subterfuge at work.

This is what really happened.

Last time a leader with real conviction got a city all to HIMSELF!

Donald opened his inauguration with, and this is the real speech; ‘My penis is HUGE. they didn’t call me the Graf Zeppelin at school for nothing. And I’ve gotta tell you bill Clintons’ was just a weener. And there’s a lot of women out there can vouchsafe that I’m the biggest pork swordsman that ever strode the Capitol. My balls are the size of footballs, and sometimes Melania needs a wheelbarrow just to get me off her. Yep I’m satisfied and i know the Chinese weakness, they’re not big like me, and Obama couldn’t shine a candle to me. That’s why I’m the president, the numero uno and you better believe it’.

And this was re-coded by the CIA to read thus:, ‘I’m telling you that there are more people at my inauguration than ever went and saw Moses part the red sea, as a matter of fact more than ever saw anyfing in Washington, and the crowd of my inauguration makes Nuremberg look like a picnic. My god my inauguration is big, and all those photos of the other presidents are fakes. My press secretary will tell you that what you see in front of you is one goddam lie. Only Rupert and his cronies tell us how it really is. And he should know cos Wendy and Jerry can tell you it takes a big man to lead a big country. And I’m BIG!!! I’ve got what it takes, I’m really something…

That’s what the kerfuffle is really about. Proof perfect that the CIA are looking after Donald. And Donald, imperious and impenetrable won the day.