At Last! True Sustainability!!! As they say dear reader, a week is a long time in politics. And it is with some justifiable relief after all the antics of the recent ALP conference and true bipartisanship demonstrated in stopping the boats that the Federal Government is at last poised to do something very positive about Climate Change.

In a startling turnaround the Federal Treasurer The Rt.Hon. Mr Joe Hockey was once again convening a lightening door stop press conference on the forecourt at Parliament House Canberra to re-announce his stated position on Wind Turbines. To an assembled throng of press, admirers, and his immaculately presented children (dressed in Gainsborough Blue Boy outfits, generously lent on this occasion by the Minister for Education, The Rt. Hon Christopher Pyne’s personal collection), the Treasurer beaming, slapped his well cushioned sides, before stepping up to the rostrum. Turning to the media, and casting an accusing eye at the only Fairfax reporter allowed in, he clenched the lectern, held his head back, and then, gauging the moment, began to speak. “Men, Women, Children, and LBGT members of Australia, I am very glad to tell you that I have recently been thinking’!!!! (uproar from audience , back slapping and tumult of infectious excitement)

Hockey Children. Twins Hypatia and Erasmus dressed for budget night. Costumes generously lent by Christopher Pyne. From his Personal Collection.

‘Excuse me! May I qualify that’? (hush stills the excitement)

‘I have been thinking about what may be really and truly good for this country. And if I may, (pausing for effect) Although we of the political class are loathe to admit our failings I would like to add a note, an apologia for some of the things I’ve said in the past as being ill-considered, or perhaps uttered in the heat of the moment. And for some amongst us, interpreted as being unfair, intolerant, dispassionate.

Suddenly the floodgates opened. The Treasurer seized by countess requests and the reporters in unison besieging him with hypotheticals, related to ill considered words, to whit the Treasurer, slightly flummoxed, was loathe to reply;

“No it was not about those who are leaners,

No Sir, it was not those who don’t drive,

Nor was I referring to those who can’t afford to drive,

No Michelle, neither was it the crack about housing affordability,

Nor was it the cigar I enjoyed after passing the 2014 budget’.

The Treasurer getting visibly flustered, paused. ‘Please, please, let me finish. I’ve been thinking lately that I’ve got it all wrong about renewables, and I kind of think I may have got it wrong about wind turbines. I know I said they’re ugly, a blight on the landscape, but now i’ve had a change of heart. You see I’ve been doing some deep thinking (audible sigh of OHHHH from audience) and I’ve been talking to a few of my colleagues, and I think I’ve arrived at an approach that’ll make the Opposition just a little bit, (sensing the anticipation of the audience) a little bit green with envy. (Pauses long enough to sip a glass of water).

Treasurer making Opposition ‘Green with Envy”

‘I’m going to invest in WIND TURBINES!! (Spontaneous applause). Yes, I’ll admit, I’d got it wrong. (Cheers and high fives from press gallery) In the life of this Government I’m now proud to say, we’re going to see Wind Turbines right across Australia. And, I’ve got to tell you I’ll be proud to have one in my own back yard. (Deliriously joyous outburst from the crowd) You see, my friends in the Minerals and Energy Council have upgraded those ugly wind turbines and developed one of their own. And you know what its called? It’s high tech, isn’t just carbon fibre, but uses carbon to function. (susserus of confusion) Ladies and gentleman this is the future!!!! (Points to model) A wind turbine? But this one is different. We call it the Carbon Blade.

‘Visually attractive Carbon Blades’, (Federal treasurer Mr. Joe Hockey) Note adjacent housing Estate. A win win for the Development Industry and sustainability!!

And do you know why it’s good? Because it’s COAL FIRED!! And do you know what that means? All those ugly WHITE wind turbines will soon be BLACK!! Not only that, but I’m retrospectively introducing legislation to ensure that all recent housing estates are retrofitted with proper chimneys, and those chimneys will be fitted with mini carbon blades. A blade on every house to ensure that this, (holds aloft briquette), ensures a secure and SAFE carbon future. And with the resultant Turneresque beauty of smoke, will prove once and for all that you CAN make a silk purse out of the proverbial sows ear’! (turning to his right, ‘eh, isn’t that right Bronwyn?) (Stunned silence, thunderous applause from Murdoch press).

Retrofitting. “Our challenge for sustainability is to retrospectively legislate for chimneys to be installed in all recent housing estates, and upgraded with the Carbon Blade’. (Federal Treasurer Mr. Joe Hockey).

Now I can tell you they’ve got a little jingle here written by my friends in the Minerals and Energy Council. I think you’ll like it. ‘The Carbon Blade, Sustainability never felt so good! Feels right! Looks right! And to my thinking, is right’. And isn’t that all of the time’!!